As we near the end of Deployment 2011 I feel the sudden urge to look back and reminisce. And no, I don't care that it hasn't ended yet. We're reminiscing.
I thought that it would feel longer than it has. I know logically that 3 months isn't very long, but when you are in it it's hard to gauge time. I mean, think back to what you were doing 3 months ago. That SEEMS like it was forever ago, doesn't it? Maybe dealing with this many time zones has finally torn a hole in the fabric of space and time? There is no way that months could have gone by. It feels like he just left (not that I don't want him home RIGHT THE HECK NOW!) .
Also, I expected that the girls would exhibit some sort of "misbehavior". People (military moms) usually have stories about how their husband left for a period of time and all hell broke loose and the children went insane and there were power struggles and monkeys were flying around the house. It sounds terrible. We didn't have any of that. Well... no more attitude than a 3 and 5 year old normally exhibit. If they didn't sass me on occasion then I would fear that I was raising obedient little automatons who trust what people say at face value and never question the status quo. That would be irresponsible parenting. Maybe things will change when they hit those fabled "teenage years", but I won't know for 6 or 7 more years. I've said it before and I'll say it again: my children are bad-ass. They are a ton of fun and have only given me 3 grey hairs. 2 of those are from Abbi. Chris leaving didn't create any kind of "power vacuum" in the family. Maybe it's because we really are partners when it comes to raising the girls and so they see us as practically interchangeable. Or maybe it's because we have very few rules in the house and so there really isn't anything to rebel against. Or maybe they got together and decided I'm more pleasant when people aren't trying to drive me insane. The world may never know. No matter the reason, the girls have been a joy and a blessing in Chris's absence.
It hasn't all been sunshine and roses since he left, though. Just about everything that could have broken DID break. Let me make a little list of the things that managed to break/stop working in only 3 months:
-The lawnmower decided not to cut grass anymore a mere 9 days in to the deployment. Not helpful.
-The DVD player upstairs doesn't like to play movies unless I beat it mercilessly first. I'm not joking. I have to use physical violence to play barbie movies for Abbi.
-The Adri + screwdriver + Chris's computer incident is well documented on FB.
-My computer can't figure out what a webcam is anymore. Techno-amnesia?
-Flat tire on the van. The day was saved thanks to my wonderful neighbor and substitute husband "Jebediah".
-Media server crashed and just sits there blinking it's stupid light at me.
-PS3 became incapable of playing blu-ray discs. PS3 also became incapable of playing video games. It's mostly just for show now, I guess.
-HTPC crashed and decided that it no longer wants to be a computer. It is pursuing it's dream of being a useless black box. It's pretty good at it, too.
These are all the things I can think of off the top of my head. Are they important and life ruining? No, most certainly not. Are they a nuisance that seems to keep growing? Yes.
I think back to Chris's first deployment and it seems so different. Adri was just an infant and our relationship was still so new. It was scary to be alone. This time around I was able to embrace the good parts, like being able to sleep in the middle of the bed and being able to keep any schedule I want because nobody has to wake up early. Being a mom was still new and scary then too. Now I'm fairly confidant that I won't screw up and ruin their lives, and that really takes quite a bit of the pressure off. Being a "solo-parent", as I call myself when my wingman is unavailable, is a good thing every now and again. You gain a better perspective of how much work really goes in to taking care of the kids and meeting their needs. You also gain a stronger appreciation for all the ways your partner helps you, especially in the ways that you don't even notice every day. It's the little things that end up being the most help. Every time I am stirring something on the stove a child needs my attention! It's a wonderful thing to be able to say "go ask daddy for help".
Having so much stuff break has been kind of good too. Makes me more appreciative of how much Chris manages to keep running with recycled equipment and relatively little money. He's a pretty thrifty techno-geek. It's impressive.
Even though it's still about 3ish weeks until we reach the finish line I feel confidant in saying that this deployment has been a positive experience. That being said, I am SO ready to have my husband home where he belongs. :)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
A Tale of Woe And Technology
Oh No! A wild blue screen appears/ error message appears. You are a {Female Human}, the {wife} of a deployed techno-geek. You stare at the disabled screen. It stands between you and your goal of internet usage/gaming/media. Your {husband} won't return for months. The fate of your entertainment rests solely in your hands.
Step 1:
You stare at the screen. It stares back, unblinking. There is only one course open to you. You move, with reflexes fast as lightning, and reach for the power button. Without mercy or regret you hold the button down until the lights of technology dim, and eventually die. You wait. The seconds stretch on. 1, 2, 3.... 14, 15... you reach for the power button and press it, tentatively. The machine springs to life. You feel hope.
A: The technology responds to your power. You are the master of your domain. None can stand against you. Proceed with your entertainment of choice.
B: Crap. Nothing happens.
Proceed to step 2.
Step 2:
The machine has called your bluff. It fears you not. This doesn't concern you, for you have another trick up your sleeve. You let the machine believe you are losing ground. It suspects nothing. Without hesitation you repeat your previous action. The machine is powerless. This time, however, you do not revive it immediately. You are a cunning warrior and learn from failure. You reach behind the machine and remove it's cables. They are it's life line. Without them it is powerless. You implore to it's sense of self-preservation. You plug the cables back in and press the power button. Nothing happens because you plugged something in wrong. You sigh dramatically, and shift the cables to their proper positions. Your offspring demand your attention and you grow weary of your current task. Best to end this quickly. You press the power button, and the machine springs to life once more.
A: Success. All the Media are belong to you. Spoils to the victor.
B: Crap. Nothing happens. Seriously?
Proceed to Step 3.
Step 3:
You are frustrated and your offspring are demanding nourishment. You no longer have the time or patience to deal with this technological menace. Screw it. Your {husband} will be home in a few months and can fix it then. It's {his} job anyway, right? You can find other ways to entertain yourself without this machine. You didn't really want to use it anyway. Glare at it menacingly and return to the kitchen.
Step 1:
You stare at the screen. It stares back, unblinking. There is only one course open to you. You move, with reflexes fast as lightning, and reach for the power button. Without mercy or regret you hold the button down until the lights of technology dim, and eventually die. You wait. The seconds stretch on. 1, 2, 3.... 14, 15... you reach for the power button and press it, tentatively. The machine springs to life. You feel hope.
A: The technology responds to your power. You are the master of your domain. None can stand against you. Proceed with your entertainment of choice.
B: Crap. Nothing happens.
Proceed to step 2.
Step 2:
The machine has called your bluff. It fears you not. This doesn't concern you, for you have another trick up your sleeve. You let the machine believe you are losing ground. It suspects nothing. Without hesitation you repeat your previous action. The machine is powerless. This time, however, you do not revive it immediately. You are a cunning warrior and learn from failure. You reach behind the machine and remove it's cables. They are it's life line. Without them it is powerless. You implore to it's sense of self-preservation. You plug the cables back in and press the power button. Nothing happens because you plugged something in wrong. You sigh dramatically, and shift the cables to their proper positions. Your offspring demand your attention and you grow weary of your current task. Best to end this quickly. You press the power button, and the machine springs to life once more.
A: Success. All the Media are belong to you. Spoils to the victor.
B: Crap. Nothing happens. Seriously?
Proceed to Step 3.
Step 3:
You are frustrated and your offspring are demanding nourishment. You no longer have the time or patience to deal with this technological menace. Screw it. Your {husband} will be home in a few months and can fix it then. It's {his} job anyway, right? You can find other ways to entertain yourself without this machine. You didn't really want to use it anyway. Glare at it menacingly and return to the kitchen.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Sea Monster Mom
We had a truly amazing time at the playground today and I wanted to share it. There is an elementary school (KES) right up the street from our house and it has an AWESOME playground in front. It's the kind of playground I wish my elementary school had had when I was young(er)! On weekends and evenings it becomes sort of a public playground and we like to walk or drive down there.
Today we happened to be the only family there, so we had to entertain ourselves. The girls jumped up on one of the big play structures (with slides and climby bars) and declared it to be a ship. So I naturally became a sea monster. We ended up swimming in the ocean (the grass), exploring temple ruins (a climbing wall), discovering an underwater cave system (a big, strange looking tree), and living in a tree house for a while (an Eiffel Tower shaped climbing structure). It was fabulous to see them put together information they've learned from documentaries, magazines, stories, and TV to make such an incredible and action-packed game.
I love watching their imaginations in action. When there are other kids to play with I usually sit back with a book and let them socialize, but I'm glad it was just us today. I had just as much fun as they did. And I got to be the sea monster. BONUS!!
Today we happened to be the only family there, so we had to entertain ourselves. The girls jumped up on one of the big play structures (with slides and climby bars) and declared it to be a ship. So I naturally became a sea monster. We ended up swimming in the ocean (the grass), exploring temple ruins (a climbing wall), discovering an underwater cave system (a big, strange looking tree), and living in a tree house for a while (an Eiffel Tower shaped climbing structure). It was fabulous to see them put together information they've learned from documentaries, magazines, stories, and TV to make such an incredible and action-packed game.
I love watching their imaginations in action. When there are other kids to play with I usually sit back with a book and let them socialize, but I'm glad it was just us today. I had just as much fun as they did. And I got to be the sea monster. BONUS!!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Hurrying Up To Wait
Anyone familiar with military life has probably heard the phrase "hurry up and wait". It's more than just a saying, it's a way of life! We've been "hurrying" to get ready for a deployment. There is a surprising amount of work that service members have to get through to be able to deploy, and a lot of extra nonsense they need to take care of for their families. We have 3 different powers of attorney. It's redundant and a little nuts.
Now we are in the "waiting" phase. Dates have changed at the VERY last minute. I'm not saying I don't like having him around for a few more days, but it's a little like tearing off a band-aid one arm hair at a time. I't's usually just easier to rip that sucker off. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster and somebody added a few extra loops after I started down the track.
Adri and Abbi are handling it like troopers. Abbi is having problems because she isn't old enough to understand WHY he has to go and she can't quite wrap her sweet little mind around that much time. It's practically an eternity in little girl world. Adri is sad that he's going away, but she is old enough to remember that he has always come back from his "work trips". They want him to take pictures of camels. I thought that was an odd request, but regionally appropriate, I suppose. I think there is a better chance of him getting a shot of a camel SPIDER.
::shudder::
It's been an emotional week. The tail end of this year is going to be really great, I think... even if it is difficult. Having our family separated won't be easy, but it will certainly make us all appreciate each other in new ways. Love like this doesn't have to fear distance.
Now we are in the "waiting" phase. Dates have changed at the VERY last minute. I'm not saying I don't like having him around for a few more days, but it's a little like tearing off a band-aid one arm hair at a time. I't's usually just easier to rip that sucker off. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster and somebody added a few extra loops after I started down the track.
Adri and Abbi are handling it like troopers. Abbi is having problems because she isn't old enough to understand WHY he has to go and she can't quite wrap her sweet little mind around that much time. It's practically an eternity in little girl world. Adri is sad that he's going away, but she is old enough to remember that he has always come back from his "work trips". They want him to take pictures of camels. I thought that was an odd request, but regionally appropriate, I suppose. I think there is a better chance of him getting a shot of a camel SPIDER.
::shudder::
It's been an emotional week. The tail end of this year is going to be really great, I think... even if it is difficult. Having our family separated won't be easy, but it will certainly make us all appreciate each other in new ways. Love like this doesn't have to fear distance.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Tack Up A Little Inspiration
I have a tack board by my computer desk and it's covered in little quotes and blurbs that can inspire me to keep on keepin' on when the day gets tough. This week has been full of tough moments and I've been reading my notes a LOT. I got most of them from books, blogs, and websites about and by people I admire. Some are about learning and some are just about parenting, but all of them come in handy at some time or another.
"Bring the world to your children and your children to the world"
"There are no bad days, only bad moments" -My motto for this week
"Learning happens all the time."
"You cannot possible teach your child everything they need to know. But you can give them one thing they need to learn- a positive learning attitude."
"It's a choice you are making to live your life the way you do right now. You can choose better. This moment can be better."
"Give love generously and criticism sparingly."
"Be honest with your kids. Really."
"Parent mindfully, mindfully parent."
"When you have a bad moment admit it. Move on."
"The main goal is raising happy kids. Everything else is a bonus."
I have a few verses from Proverbs picked out that just haven't made their way up yet.
All 4 of us have been having problems with allergies this week. We've had headaches, more headaches, and lots of grouchiness. It's hard to be tired in a house full of tired people! Every time I lose my temper with a sick, cranky child I can look at my tack board and be inspired to make a better choice. <3
"Bring the world to your children and your children to the world"
"There are no bad days, only bad moments" -My motto for this week
"Learning happens all the time."
"You cannot possible teach your child everything they need to know. But you can give them one thing they need to learn- a positive learning attitude."
"It's a choice you are making to live your life the way you do right now. You can choose better. This moment can be better."
"Give love generously and criticism sparingly."
"Be honest with your kids. Really."
"Parent mindfully, mindfully parent."
"When you have a bad moment admit it. Move on."
"The main goal is raising happy kids. Everything else is a bonus."
I have a few verses from Proverbs picked out that just haven't made their way up yet.
All 4 of us have been having problems with allergies this week. We've had headaches, more headaches, and lots of grouchiness. It's hard to be tired in a house full of tired people! Every time I lose my temper with a sick, cranky child I can look at my tack board and be inspired to make a better choice. <3
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
August 18th... Adri Turns 5!
Adri is turning 5! It seems like such an important birthday! I can still remember the day she was born. We were nervous and excited and scared... I don't think I had ever felt so many conflicting emotions so strongly at the same time. Here we are, 5 years later, and Adri still puts me through an emotional roller coaster every single day.
Adriana is smart, funny, beautiful, sassy, very nurturing, and quite often grouchy.
She is a wonderful big sister. She looks after and protects Abbi. She always includes her, even if she's playing with her older friends.
She will pick a fight with anyone over anything. She loves to argue, but she is not an aggressive person.
Adriana is respectful and conscientious.
She loves animals and bugs, even the gross looking ones.
There is nothing she won't climb.
She doesn't like loud noises or crowds.
She knows more about Star Wars than most geeks twice her size.
She can drink milk faster than any person I know.
I could talk about her all day. I have been with her every day of her life and she still surprises me with her kindness, her humor, and her attitude. I love her so much.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADRIANA!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
How We Came To Think Outside The School Box
When I got pregnant with Adri I knew that I would leave my job and stay home with her. Chris and I had discussed it before we were even married. Children being raised by their parents (as opposed to being raised by a day care provider or government institution) was something that we both felt very strongly about. I also knew that baby number 2 would follow closely. I wanted two girls, close in age. Once Abber The Grabber came along (and Adri was almost 2) I assumed it would only be another 4-5 years before I rejoined the workforce. I had mixed feelings about this, but I was ready to face the inevitable.
I never considered homeschool. Before I had kids the thought of staying home all day with small, messy, noisy people sounded like torture. Also, I thought that only religious wackos kept their kids out of school. I was young and didn't know any better :) How would a person keep from going insane in an environment like that? It would be like prison!
After I had Adri an acquaintance of mine (completely out of the blue) said "You are so patient. You would make a great homeschool mom." I took it as a compliment, because "patient" was not a word I would have EVER used to describe myself, but I thought she was a little nuts. Why would I want to do that? I pictured the bible thumping, prairie dress clad, compound dwelling wackadoos that you see on the news. I didn't know that normal human beings of every faith and ideology educated their children at home. But her words stuck with me, ratting around in the back of my mind.
After Abbi was born and some of Adri's friends started going to part day pre-schools I started looking into education. It seemed too early! She was so young and vulnerable! How could I send her away even a few days a week without a parent there to keep her safe? I felt guilty, like I was overprotective and depriving her of a necessary "educational experience". By the time she was 4 I felt frantic. In only a year she would be sent off to school all day! I wasn't ready for that, I knew she wasn't ready for that, and I just couldn't shake the feeling that school wasn't what it was SUPPOSED to be.
I started researching alternatives to public school. We can't afford private schools. Then I stumbled across a homeschool site. It sounded wonderful. It looked easy and natural. It supported my every belief about religion, education, family bonds, and development as a whole human being. I (very tentatively) brought up the subject with Chris. "So I've been looking at some homeschool stuff. It looks like it's something we might want to read more into." And he said "Oh good. You should homeschool the girls. School is a waste of time."
I was floored! I knew that he had been homeschooled for a couple of years as a kid, but his childhood was complicated. I didn't know what he would think.
Ok. We had decided to homeschool. It felt very freeing and at the same time very scary. I didn't know anyone who homeschooled their kids and I was afraid people would think I was nuts, but I dove in head first. I started reading book after book about homeshool methods and curriculum. My girls are so different that I couldn't find anything that I thought would suit them both. Also, a lot of it sounded boring. I hate to be bored. I needed something that would keep us all entertained and stimulated, but I just wasn't finding what I wanted.
I joined a homeschool group here on the island and went to a park day to meet the other families. I felt out of place because my kids were so young, but I really needed to talk to people and get one on one advice and info. I felt so overwhelmed! The internet is SO full of information that I had no way to assimilate all of it. I talked to the moms there and they were very helpful and understanding. They all had interesting stories, ideas, and suggestions. Many books and websites were recommended. Then a woman (and I can't remember her name, but if I could find her again I would thank her from the bottom of my heart) asked me if I had ever heard of "uschooling". I hadn't. She explained that it's not about curriculum but about letting children live meaningful lives and letting them learn from real experience. To be honest I thought it sounded like a bunch of hippie mumbo-jumbo, but I didn't tell her that. She recommended some websites. I wrote them down to be polite.
That afternoon (and for the next few days) I browsed through the websites and resource info that those lovely women had given me. The only site that really spoke to me was the one recommended by the crazy "unschool lady". I spent many days reading material on unschooling. I went through Sandra Dodd's entire site. The information I found there changed the way I view learning and education (and parenting!). From there I was directed to many other helpful and fabulous resources, including the writings of John Holt, the father of the "unschooling movement". I started to read his newsletter "Growing Without School" (GWS) that he started back in the 1970's. Everything he wrote about was still relevant to us today! How had people been living like this for so long and I had never heard about it?! Chris and I both knew right away that this was the style of parenting, learning, and LIVING that was right for our family.
And so my oldest angel will turn 5 this month and she won't go to school. She won't waste her childhood sitting at a desk doing things that other people think are important. She won't be judged, graded, and tested on arbitrary information that she won't care enough about to remember anyway. Does it really matter if we learn something if we are just going to forget it anyway? She will spend her childhood playing, learning, and growing as a person. And I will spend her childhood (and her sister's) being thankful that we, as a family, decided to think outside the school box.
** If you are interested in Unschooling I recommend "sandradodd.com" and "holtgws.com" to get started.
I will probably be doing an unscooling post soon. Writing this out got my wheels-a-turnin'
I never considered homeschool. Before I had kids the thought of staying home all day with small, messy, noisy people sounded like torture. Also, I thought that only religious wackos kept their kids out of school. I was young and didn't know any better :) How would a person keep from going insane in an environment like that? It would be like prison!
After I had Adri an acquaintance of mine (completely out of the blue) said "You are so patient. You would make a great homeschool mom." I took it as a compliment, because "patient" was not a word I would have EVER used to describe myself, but I thought she was a little nuts. Why would I want to do that? I pictured the bible thumping, prairie dress clad, compound dwelling wackadoos that you see on the news. I didn't know that normal human beings of every faith and ideology educated their children at home. But her words stuck with me, ratting around in the back of my mind.
After Abbi was born and some of Adri's friends started going to part day pre-schools I started looking into education. It seemed too early! She was so young and vulnerable! How could I send her away even a few days a week without a parent there to keep her safe? I felt guilty, like I was overprotective and depriving her of a necessary "educational experience". By the time she was 4 I felt frantic. In only a year she would be sent off to school all day! I wasn't ready for that, I knew she wasn't ready for that, and I just couldn't shake the feeling that school wasn't what it was SUPPOSED to be.
I started researching alternatives to public school. We can't afford private schools. Then I stumbled across a homeschool site. It sounded wonderful. It looked easy and natural. It supported my every belief about religion, education, family bonds, and development as a whole human being. I (very tentatively) brought up the subject with Chris. "So I've been looking at some homeschool stuff. It looks like it's something we might want to read more into." And he said "Oh good. You should homeschool the girls. School is a waste of time."
I was floored! I knew that he had been homeschooled for a couple of years as a kid, but his childhood was complicated. I didn't know what he would think.
Ok. We had decided to homeschool. It felt very freeing and at the same time very scary. I didn't know anyone who homeschooled their kids and I was afraid people would think I was nuts, but I dove in head first. I started reading book after book about homeshool methods and curriculum. My girls are so different that I couldn't find anything that I thought would suit them both. Also, a lot of it sounded boring. I hate to be bored. I needed something that would keep us all entertained and stimulated, but I just wasn't finding what I wanted.
I joined a homeschool group here on the island and went to a park day to meet the other families. I felt out of place because my kids were so young, but I really needed to talk to people and get one on one advice and info. I felt so overwhelmed! The internet is SO full of information that I had no way to assimilate all of it. I talked to the moms there and they were very helpful and understanding. They all had interesting stories, ideas, and suggestions. Many books and websites were recommended. Then a woman (and I can't remember her name, but if I could find her again I would thank her from the bottom of my heart) asked me if I had ever heard of "uschooling". I hadn't. She explained that it's not about curriculum but about letting children live meaningful lives and letting them learn from real experience. To be honest I thought it sounded like a bunch of hippie mumbo-jumbo, but I didn't tell her that. She recommended some websites. I wrote them down to be polite.
That afternoon (and for the next few days) I browsed through the websites and resource info that those lovely women had given me. The only site that really spoke to me was the one recommended by the crazy "unschool lady". I spent many days reading material on unschooling. I went through Sandra Dodd's entire site. The information I found there changed the way I view learning and education (and parenting!). From there I was directed to many other helpful and fabulous resources, including the writings of John Holt, the father of the "unschooling movement". I started to read his newsletter "Growing Without School" (GWS) that he started back in the 1970's. Everything he wrote about was still relevant to us today! How had people been living like this for so long and I had never heard about it?! Chris and I both knew right away that this was the style of parenting, learning, and LIVING that was right for our family.
And so my oldest angel will turn 5 this month and she won't go to school. She won't waste her childhood sitting at a desk doing things that other people think are important. She won't be judged, graded, and tested on arbitrary information that she won't care enough about to remember anyway. Does it really matter if we learn something if we are just going to forget it anyway? She will spend her childhood playing, learning, and growing as a person. And I will spend her childhood (and her sister's) being thankful that we, as a family, decided to think outside the school box.
** If you are interested in Unschooling I recommend "sandradodd.com" and "holtgws.com" to get started.
I will probably be doing an unscooling post soon. Writing this out got my wheels-a-turnin'
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